Updated: Aug 19, 2018
Relationships continue to humble me time and time again.
You feel you know where you are going on your journey, headlights shining bright, gas in the car, and your destination in your GPS. Yet, you change, your partner changes, circumstances change, priorities change, and your life purpose can also change.
By the age of 25, I had been married twice. Once to my children's father, which was a relationship that naturally progressed into building the American Dream (glad I released that programming of placing your focus on building the external world, instead of your inner world). Which was then pulled apart, due to growing apart. My 2nd marriage was swift and on fire, thus the divorce was quick to follow as well. It was over filled with lust with no solid foundation to hold us together; when real problems surfaced, he ran faster than I could breathe out.
Even though I have evolved so much, I am still humbled by the awareness's I gain from relationships. Relationships can bring you moments where you feel "we are on the road to a happy marriage one day" and some days you can be filled with hopelessness, frustration, and fear. Another element of programming that I didn't develop really till my 2nd marriage was the goal to get married; I used to say it's just a piece of paper and the commitment is what is real. Now, when I date, I always ask myself... "Do I see myself marrying this person one day?" It's interesting how I created this programming later in life, or maybe it just kicked in later but was always there.
I had a realization that I felt was important to share; I remember as a child I was seeking love externally at a very young age and I also recall yearning for a connection to my father or desired to be saved by my father when I was in unsafe situations. Yet that wasn't really my father's strong quality, to keep me safe. My soul is strong and wanted to learn my lessons through experience, thus my father allowed me my experiences and never felt the need to interject.
Coming back into the present moment, 33 years old, I realize my top desires in life is to feel safe, validated, and heard. I can feel this string in my heart that tugs every time I feel unsafe, the string becomes so tight connecting to my stomach and the shallow breathing kicks in. This still happens today; when I am in a relationship and I am not feeling safe, validated, understood or heard... the string becomes tight and this feeling of panic sets in.
And then the words flow in my mind, "You will never be understood, no one can make you feel safe, everything changes, people will always let you down, you have to take care of yourself, etc". This string is no longer attached to my father, for I did a lot of healing around this, but I realized it's still inside of me and still desires to be held and kept safe by another.
I feel frustrated and deep in the struggle... is this my lesson? Where should this string go? Is he understanding me, is he validating me, is he keeping me safe... but the string is keeping me in this state of panic? Or has the relationship gone it's course and people have evolved and changed, thus the vibration is no longer a match.
Relationships are humbling....
The bring you to the core of what needs to be healed and evolved. You can't run, because even if you choose to, the wound will return.
What have a received from this new awareness? Empowerment! I feel more clear and focused on what I need to heal, and I started to tap on the place right between my heart and stomach when I feel the string attempting to tighten. When I do this, the tightness and panic releases and I feel this wave of peace, calmness and safety. Creation! I created a 21-day program for couples to shift from "surviving to thriving"! Check it out!
Relationship; shift from Surviving to Thriving in 21 days!
This program is intended for a couples seeking to build a solid foundation of trust, love and safety, a couple stuck in the struggle and needing to improve their communication, connection and intimacy, or a couple who wants to make a last-ditch effort to make it work. Overall this program is suited for couples that have minimal issues in their relationship to the couple experiencing turmoil.
Energetically I want you to give your problems to the Universe/Source and embark on a journey of trust, healing and magic!